Only way

I feel like the only way i'm going to be able to stop hurting is if i write down everything i feel and just let it out of me. I feel like i'm the most stupid thing on this earth, that maybe my ex was right and that I won't have any love me or want to be with me... I know i'm trying to fix myself and not talk down on myself but for right now that's how i'm feeling. I'm feeling very alone and like i just have to sit here and take it... and its hard

I wonder to myself if i'm the only one that's feeling this way, or are you feeling that way too? I want to talk to you like crazy but like your mother said, if i keep pestering you, you'll push me away more and start lashing out and saying things you dont want to say to me. I have your stuff in my room and I can't grow the heart to throw it away, I want to smell the pillow just to remind me of how you smell... and a non creepy way LOL

I still love you so much, I hate that you ended things without wanting to try different ways, it makes me furious. But then again i want you to be happy, even if right now i feel like my worlds are crashing down and that I want to go down with the rest of them into nothing. I dont have the motivation i had for anything before because you gave me that motivation and its all gone.

We have a friendship for 5 years and i feel like ever since i put you out of the friend zone its been a risk and right now i regret ever taking you out but i know in a few months i'll look at it as an experience that i knew i had to risk because I needed answers for the way i felt about you throughout all these years.

I'm sorry for going onto your facebook on june 4th at around 7 am and changed your password just to see your messages. I want you to know that i never changed it after i saw you that morning i came to your house but that still doesn't make things better. I hope that you can understand that i am crazy and that I DO regret doing that... that just costed me 100% of you and that definitely wasn't my goal.

Ben Skelly, I love you more than anything on this earth, I've loved you since grade 10 and i always have. I wasn't 100% honest with myself about my feelings for you back then but I am now and i know how i feel. I hope that one day you come around to talk to me again so we can rebuild everything. I miss you so much, i can't sleep at all. it's 1:56 a.m and i've gotten 4 hours of sleep total since we split. PLease come back soon <3

xoxoxo
V.L.J.S <3