If i seem like i'm blogging a lot its because i need to try to express my feelings somehow so i'm not bottling them up inside. I look in the mirror and i think to myself, what have i done, why am i so fucked up? Why has my stupid ex boyfriend (P.R) changed me some much where i'm not confident enough to just tell myself i'm pretty. How can i have some confidence where I can be myself and trust people, let people in. I can't even express how much i'm broken and it's the hardest thing climbing back up the mountain.
Putting my walls back up might not help me either. Maybe i should just get antidepressants so i can stop feeling or stop hurting
I'm not open to talking to other guys, seems like i can't do that anymore. Before how i got over each person, i would just talk to another guy and jump into that... but its really different this time. I feel weak, i can't eat, i can't sleep, Im truly broken. I thought i've reached the lowest part in my life but... this is truly the lowest i've ever been. Every time i try to go out and drive everything reminds me of everything i dont have anymore.
I want to just quit everything, dont try to succeed in school or be successful. I just want to quit my job and sit in my room and be alone. Words can't express how lonely or weak i feel.
I am weak right now though, i haven't eaten a single thing in the last 48 hours... My stomach hurts so much to the point where its just a feeling of hallow thingy in my tummy but when i try to make myself food, i can't get myself to consume it. I dont feel like drinking anything either... i just want to be in my room and talk to Rory to help me forget everything, just play league and other games for awhile...
Should i quit my job? will it be too hard to see the person i love the most at work but will give me the coldest feeling in the world... Will i faint? am i that weak that i have to run away... i really dont have the strength physically and mentally...
Someone please... take the pain away... please give me the strength to take it away... anyway
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