My Life Will Go On

*I wrote this awhile ago and I forgot to post it but here it is anyway* (This was when I was trying to get over things)

Hello blogging world,

I know its been a very long time since the last time I have actually sad down and typed my whole life out on here. Well here it comes, just regurgitate all over this page.

As you may know, I have broken up with my boyfriend. We separated on January 30 at around 10:30pm over the computer.
First of all, breaking up with someone like me over the computer just shows that you can't do it in person, or in other words, you dont have the balls to do it straight to my face cause you and I both know you won't be able to handle my crying face and emotion to try to make you stay with me.

But anyway...

That feeling that next morning waking up knowing that we were over, and getting to school, seeing you but you just ignore me as if I was nothing to you anymore. Not even just a "Hi". The feeling I had was horrible. It felt like my heart was being ripped out and stomped on, over and over again, never stopping and being smashed against the ground.

Your attention that I once had, was gone. The way you use to arrive at school and I saw you with a smile on your face saying you were glad to see me, and giving me a kiss to ensure that I knew you loved me, just gone. It was over. The sad part of it is that I actually tried so hard to get you back. I tried to reason with you, call you, text you, grab you in the middle of the hallway to try to talk with you, everything but nothing seemed to work. You wouldn't hear me out or I think you didn't have the confidence or pride to even hear me out, cause you knew I was always going to be right. Your word against mine was nothing, a piece of worthless shit. You know how much I love you, then and now, but you still think you have so much pride. I feel so sorry for you. I wanted to get back together with you, but now that my best friend and friends have made me realize, that I'm way too good for a loser like you.

Yea, that may seem harsh, but you even know it. Common, you the loser kid that tries to fit in, but gets shut out, always having to walk around, figuring out where to hang out or wondering who will even accept you. Compared to a girl like me, the one that is friendly and tried to be your friend, that help you at least have a rep. Without me, you would be nothing. There were so many times where I could've broken up with you, but a voice inside my head told me to keep waiting it out, and to just see if you would get better at being in a relationship. Time after time, I actually told you what to do and say in the relationship, which is very sad, but yet you never listened. It seems like you didn't even want to try, you just wanted to keep getting it in with me, because you knew how much I was attached to you. The only thing that I consider is us talking it out and being friends again, just friends. I dont think your fit to be in a relationship honestly, but I hope you can possibly come over your childish acts and build our friendship again.

Let it out

This is definitely going to be a "Type what's on my mind" thing, so basically it might not be as organized as I would want it to be. Therefore please excuse all the messiness etc.

One of my friends (I won't say who) has been non stop on my case thinking that I am a -blank-. He won't stop until he actually gets proof but recently he told my boyfriend something I wasn't suppose to do, which was eat fries. Yes, he snitched on me eating a fry but my boyfriend has told me not to eat a fry but seriously I just fucking wanted a fry. He brought it up the day that I ate the fry and it wasn't brought up again until yesterday night. I won't get into detail but basically in the end my boyfriend called him out and said stop blah blah blah. I felt bad about the situation, therefore I told my boyfriend the truth. My boyfriend didn't get mad at me at all. He understood the situation and moved on. He apologized to my friend but idk what else.

Right now my boyfriend wants me to apologize to my friend but really I don't care. Yeah i may have done that but its not a huge deal to get pissed off at me and not want to be my friend anymore. Seriously you're obviously going to run into people that are just like me and you shouldn't throw your little drama queen fit and act like a girl on it. Seriously be mature, realize that you should stop and stay out of my boyfriend and I's business. Fuck off

I am really sick and tired of him. He does the same thing over and over again but he never knows when it stop. He is influenced to act a different way when our friends are around apposed to how he is when its just the two of us. I understand that that is the way boys are but you have to be in my shoes to be able to see how he does and how it feels cause it's not a very pleasant feeling. I sometimes want to cry and what's the friendship worth if I'm the only one that is nice? I dont want to keep trying to keep something up if i get shit in the end.

Basically what I want to say is that I don't want to be his friend anymore for many reasons. It's my choice and I feel like he isn't the greatest friend on earth and we're not going very far in our friendship as in still be friends in the future.


That's all. Thanks for reading and putting up with that crap.

xoxo

Vicky ❤

81 Secrets

1. First kiss: Steven M.
2. Best friends: Chera K. & Alyshia LP.
3. Last phone call with: Phillip R.

4. Last text message to: Gabe H.

5. Last time you cried: 12/09/03

Have you ever?
6. Dated someone twice: Yes

7. Been cheated on: No
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes

List three of your favorite colors:
12: Black
13: Purple
14: Red

This year you?
15. Made a new friend:no...
16. Fallen out of love: with my ex boyfriend
17. Laughed until you cried: no
18. Met someone who changed you:
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: yes

Your life?
22. What question do people always ask you: "Do you have a boyfriend? "Are those real?!"
23. How many kids do you want: Mainly 2 but if I get a little older and my kids have grown a bit, I will possibly have 3 but thats the max!
24. Do you have any pets: No
25. Do you want to change your name: No
26. What did you do for your last birthday: I went out for dinner at a fancy restaurant with my parents
27. What time did you wake up today: 6:32 a.m.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was watching videos on youtube and blogging on here.
29. Name something you cannot wait for: To go down to L.A. and be looking at town houses/condos/apartments/lofts next winter and/or May-July
30. Last time you saw your mother: Today after I took a shower
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: To treat people better and better work ethics.
32. What are you listening to right now: Listening to my boyfriends dubstep music through skype lol.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: A lot of people...
35. Most visited web page: Youtube
36. What's your real name: Maria Victoria Lee Aldana Lopez Jetko
37. Nicknames: Vicky, Vic-Vic, Vickers, Vic the stick, Vic, Tory
38. Relationship status: In a relationship
39. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius
40. Male or female: Female
41. Elementary School: Eagle View/St.Andrew's Elementary
42. Middle School: Monterey/Arbutus Middle School
43. High school/college: Mount Douglas Secondary
44. Write whatever you want here: Fuck you, shut up, I don't care about your life, fuck off, go away, get out
46. Height: 5'3" and a half - 5'4"
47. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes
48. What do you like about yourself: I have big eyes
49. Piercings: Earlobes
50. Tattoos: Nope
51. Righty or lefty: Righty

Firsts?
52. First surgery: None
53. First piercing when: Baby
54. First best friend: Alyshia
55. First sport you joined: Arrhythmic Gymnastics or... Figure Skating.. or both ahaha
56. First vacation: Puerto Vallarta or went on a road trip in the USA from Universal, Sea world, and something else... can't remember
57. First real crush: Stephen O.
58. First pair of trainers: 5 years old

Right now?
59. Eating: Sweet Bread
60. Drinking: Orange Juice
61. I'm about to: Go to bed soon
62. Listening to: Boyfriends music
63. Waiting for: My boyfriend to finish his college homework and for me to finish this thing thing.

Your future?
64. Want kids: YES!
65. Get married: HELL YE!
66. Career: Doctor - Family Physician or something in Fashion... still deciding

Which is better?
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs but kisses only from my boyfriend =)
69. Shorter or taller: Taller!!
70. Older or younger: Older!!
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous
72. Nice legs or nice arms: Nice arms
73. Sensitive or loud: in between haha
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

Answer truthfully?
75. Had more than one boy/girlfriend at a time: No but i've had more than one "thing" going on at a time.
76. Did you sing today: Yes
77. Ever cheated on somebody: Yes
78. If you could go back in time: I would want to confess my feelings to someone special, and be better to my parents when I was younger. Not have lost my virginity the way I did. Made smarter choices to hang out with the right people and not have drank with stupid people
79. The moment you would go back to: When I had nothing to worry about and I was just with my family all the time. Where there was no drama in my life, and I didn't have a clue what was going on around me.
80. Are you afraid of falling in love?: No i'm not
81. Been kissed in the rain: No I haven't

Update 09/06/12

Starting off Fresh

As most of you all may know, I have recently started a new school year. I'm a Junior this year and that means picking up a bit of my slack from past years and start studying and working hard. Junior year seems to be where you need to start getting your school life sorted out and know what you are wanting to major in or at least have an idea so you are taking the correct courses.

My schedule for my first semester is pretty simple. It consists of:

Period 1: Chemistry

Period 2: Psychology

Period 3: Dance/English Linear

Period 4: Planning

Not too bad. My chemistry teacher is some what are a werid-o but a lot of people say he is an excellent teacher and his methods work very well, which I am pleased to hear about. For psychology, I have an okay teacher. She is the type of teacher that talks and doesn't get you to take notes, which personally I prefer the note-taking but I guess I must learn to adapt to the way she teaches in order for me to do well in the course and understand the curriculum in order to do well on tests and assignments that she will distribute. The most exciting class I am looking forward to the most is dance. Dance is going to be a linear course for me which means I will have year long. -WHOOP WHOOP-!! Gosh, I feel as if my counsellor has finally listened to my wishes and put me in everything I wanted in my entire school year. Planning is planning... You plan for university, you learn about working and trying to volunteer. BLEH

In my second semester I have a pretty fully packed schedule. It consists of:

Period 1: Socials (Kill me)

Period 2: Biology 12 

Period 3: Dance/English Linear

Period 4: Math

The most difficult course that I know I will most definitely struggle in the most has to be socials. I'm not really very interested in history work. Don't get me wrong, it can be interesting but it's just not for me. Biology 12, FRIKIN EXCITED! I got into bio 12, that's all that matters to me. I love learning and reading on human biology, I find it very interesting. Knowing how the human body works and functions etc. Very fascinating! The only thing is that I have one of the more stricter teachers. I've had him before in previous years of schooling. He is an amazing teacher but very strict. He does the method of taking down notes almost every class, which I completely love and find it much easier for me to understand the course better and I preform better overall with that kinda of teaching method. The way that particular bio teacher has taught me before was very well done. He sits down in front of the classroom and lectures you while putting notes up, explaining everything thoroughly and really trying to make you understand what he is teaching. Just amazing! MATH! MATH! MATH! I use to hate math but ever since sophomore year of HS, I have fell in love with learning math. Actually that's a lie. I probably still hate math but I love, and I do mean L-O-V-E, LOVE the one teacher I got in sophomore year. He was so amazing and he is the only one that can actually explain the math lesson well enough that I can understand and follow what he is actually doing and what calculations are being made. I did the best in that class that year. This year, in junior year, I have him again! Can you believe it!?! I am thrilled that I have him as my teacher! I will most definitely be getting on the honour role this year! A's here I come!

Now enough on school. Let's update you guys on my life (outside and personal life).

I think most of you want to know about my love life. I'll start from what kind of guys have been going after me and what happened between them and I. 

Every since my douche bag ex boyfriend and I broke up back at the end of January 2012, I have been recovering all the way from then till recently. Yeah, it has taken me awhile to get over that bump in my life but it's finally been done. I started talking to new people, avoiding his (ex-boyfriend) face around school, cut all communications from the people we have mutual friends with and just keeping my mind off the whole situation and what happened. I started straightening out in mid May 2012. I starting hanging out with my friends a lot more and staying happy. I'm pleased to say that I am very satisfied with my life and I am very happy =) *YAY for happiness* -Cheer Cheer-.

I starting talking to boys in May 2012, through July 2012. There was one guy that I had a very good friendship with. He was one of the people that I wanted to stay friends with and I also enjoyed being around him or hanging out with him. I do care about my friends but for him he seemed more than just a friend. I texted him a lot and I tried to make him happy or seem like he is in a better place if he has at least one friend that cares sincerely about him. Which yes, I did achieve that. He felt really happy around me (Check) but he started to like me more then a friend, he wanted to be more. I've only known him since grade 8 but yeah, like I said, we were pretty good friends. I didn't want to loose that but in the end I did loose our friendship. He confessed that he liked me and I didn't want to ruin what we already had by risking it in a relationship. As of right now, our friendship no longer exists. ;( probably one of the more sad things that happened to me in 2012 summer.

The main question everyone seems to ask me is if I have a boyfriend. The answer is not simple. LOL -Chuckles- It's a very complicated thing I am in right now. Yes I do have feelings for this on particular guy but I may have feelings for someone else that I lost... I'm a confused asian girl =( -pause- ... (I'm trying to think of what to say now...)

I have a somewhat not really, barely even existent "relationship". NOT REALLY... but I'll leave it at that.

It's about 1:14 am on the West coast, and I have to wake up for school tomorrow morning at about 6:30 -_- why am I still up. 

Good night blog world =) 

xoxo,

Vicky ❤

P.S. I will be blogging more so stay tuned for more updates, rants, and much much more =)